A classy job

You could call me a professional hygiene operative. A health and safety officer. A qualified germ-fighter.

Or you could call me a cleaner. Yes, I have a cleaning job. Not full-time admittedly. It's a bit of a pain to be honest, but it fits in well with university. 5pm-7.30. In that time slot, I pull on my gloves, put on my stink mask, and I clean. And I clean well. Believe me. There's no-one else in town that can make a urinal sparkle and shine as quickly as I can.

It's actually not such a bad job. I think there's this perception of cleaning as being a 'dirty job.' In some cases this is probably true. But I clean offices at my local newspaper...and it never gets particularly messy. I clean the toilets too, but they aren't so bad!

I'm looking foward to finishing the job, but the pay isn't that bad, and the work isn't hard. Working there also gives me time to think about various random things, so I guess I can't complain! I've had worse cleaning jobs! But I'll save those stories for another day...

Oh, and it's your lucky day today! Yes, you! Because I have provided such a treat. Below is an image of a hoover very similar to the one I use at work! Don't thank me all at once!

I won!

So, I did it! I beat the dissertation! It was a long, gruelling fight. Some days I was throwing all the punches, and some days I was up against the ropes...but in the end, I delivered the knock-out. BOOM!

Anyway, I'm pretty pleased to finally have it out of the way. It takes a lot of pressure off! (Oh, by the way...it's about stereotypes in children's fairytale literature! Don't ask how I thought of that one!)

It feels like an achievement. I mean, it could be terrible...but I don't think it is. I'm actually pretty happy with it, especially since I hadn't written anything as long as that before. (10,500 words)

Hopefully now I will be able to spend a bit more time on working out all this blog stuff...I don't think I'm in all the search engines yet, so I'll get working on that!

Anyway, if you've read all this, congratulations! Oh, and thanks to everyone who is regularly reading my blog-it makes it all worthwhile! :)

Row, row, row your boat...

I watched the boat race today. Yes, the boat race...Oxford and Cambridge, the two most prestigious British universities battling it out on the River Thames for...well, for pride I suppose!

Anyway, I've watched it over the last few years, and it's always been interesting to watch...the boats, the oars, the water...hmm.

I don't know what it is that I like about it. I think I just enjoy the competitiveness of it, they train for 6-8months and have just one chance, once a year to perform. It must be ridiculously hard to lose after putting in so much work, but such a high to come out on top. I reckon either way, they'll be having a few drinks tonight!

For some reason, I have always supported Oxford. I have no idea why! Either way, they won today. It was a pretty slow race in comparison to previous years, and in the end they won with ease, which is a shame. It's always more exciting when it's a close battle to the end. Ah well, there's always next year!

Stepping outside...

I thought I would try and get myself back on track and do some more thinking about the after-life. Well, after university. Though in a sense it does feel like I will be starting a whole new life. I will be 'independent' so to speak. I need a job and a place to live!

It's a scary thought really, but an exciting one too, not knowing what the future holds...fame and fortune? debt and despair? cheese and crackers?

In terms of career options I'm hoping to work as an entertainment agent in the future, representing actors in the industry.

I am also considering journalism (since I am studying it at university), but I don't enjoy the course a great deal, so that's put me off somewhat.

I have been told a few times that I should be a teacher, but I'm not sure I could ever teach in a school! I didn't enjoy it as a little kid, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't enjoy it as a big kid either. But I am hoping to do a bit of private tutoring in English.

I'm also considering becoming a bank robber. But I'm not sure I have the relevant qualifications as yet...

More important: Iraq or Britney Spears?

Apparently Britney Spears.

What, or who is my source? Google trends. In case you haven't heard of it, Google trends compares the frequency/popularity of searches on google search engine.

Arguably I can say that to internet users Britney Spears is more important than Iraq. Now, I only specified Iraq, which is very general, and would contain many, many more results than 'Iraq war' would. Perhaps I am being too critical suggesting that Britney is more important, but perhaps more interesting?

Either way, whether this search is entirely representative or not, it does suggest the changing focus in society, and a shift from real news to gossip, and the 'celebrity.' It's rather depressing really!

Just to lighten the mood, statistics show that the hamster edges the squirrel in search popularity. Fascinating.

Apologies...

I feel that after only a few days, my blog seems to be going off track somewhat...

This is indeed a blog of my experience of leaving university and going into the 'real world.' But in truth, there's just no way I can possibly post regularly about that! At the moment, my life consists of writing my dissertation, cleaning (I have a part-time job) and staring at a screen (either tv or computer, I don't have a preference!).

So, not a great deal of action! But don't fear. I have plenty of ideas for posts...they're just not all entirely related to my 'journey'. But you have my word that as soon as anything of major note happens...you as my loyal reader/s (?) will be the first to know!

Tomorrow I will tell you of my plans for after graduation.

Can't wait?...

...of course you can :)

Making time go faster...

I'm not sure if I can make time go faster. But there are things you can do in order to make time seem like it's going faster...now, this is where it gets pretty technical.

If you are trying to work and you are failing somewhat, feel free to try one of the following websites: facebook, miniclip or youtube. As yet I have not worked it out, but on any of these aforementioned sites, time does seem to simply drift away.

1. Facebook

Facebook is evil.
Confession: even as I type this I pause to refresh the page on facebook...

2. Youtube

Well, youtube has everything. It has videos about making pancakes. It has videos on knitting socks. It has it all. Nuff' said.

3. Miniclip

Ah, miniclip. Haven of all types of wonderful time-wasting games. I have spent many an hour of my valuable study time setting up campsites, meeting penguins and avoiding the CIA.

But for me personally, there is perhaps one glaringly obvious distraction. Prizes for whoever guesses correctly.

10 tips on how to get featured and be a success on youtube

I've heard so many times that the best things to write about are those that you know...

In July 2006 I was features on youtube's homepage with my first video 'You can't help but watch' which went on to get over 500,000 views. My brother and his friend also been featured, multiple times between them.

First of all, there are no sure-fire ways to be featured, and any-one who says otherwise is lying! However there are things that you can do in order to dramatically increase your chances.

1. BE ORIGINAL- This is probably the most obvious piece of advice...but it is the most important. Originality is difficult to find. But everyone is different, and everyone will have their own styles and skills. Make sure you put your own skills to use when making videos.

2. QUALITY- Videos of poor visual or audio quality almost never get featured. Make sure you have a good webcam and microphone.

3. TAGGING- Make the most of the tag feature on your videos. Use words that best define your video, so that it is easier to search for.

4. BE CONSISTENT- Making regular videos will encourage youtubers to subscribe to your videos. So make sure you make plenty of videos to show that you are enthusiastic.

5. NETWORK- If you want to be popular on youtube, you have to comment on people's videos and send them messages with your views. This way you will establish contacts. Just think, if you make one friend who favourites one of your videos, then anyone who visits your friends profile may see your video. It's a big cycle. Likewise, try to respond to all messages from other youtubers. So network and speak to people!

6. ASK!- If you want advice on anything, then just message people. You will find that most people who make quality videos are nice people, and are reliable at responding. Although be aware that the most popular users do get a lot messages, so they may take some time to get back to you!

7. BE RELEVANT- Often videos get featured because of their relevance to current events. So stay on top of news!

8. TIME!- Most featured videos are between 1 and 5 minutes long. So try to keep within that time.

9. KNOW YOUR AUDIENCE!- Find out what your viewers like and ask their opinions.

10. ENJOY YOURSELF- When you make videos about something that you are passionate about, then the whole experience will be more enjoyable. Viewers will see this, and the majority will appreciate it, and be more likely to refer you to other youtubers.

Hopefully this is some help, I've kept it as simple as possible, as in my experience, advice pieces can tend to twitter on for pages and pages.

And so, that concludes my first advice article!

Why don't dogs wear seatbelts?

I saw a rather funny advert on television today. But I'll save that story for another day.

Either way this advert got me thinking, why don't dogs wear seatbelts? Is the life of man's best friend not quite important enough?

Well apparently, and somewhat suprisingly, there are such things as seatbelts for dogs. (I guess they could be called dogbelts) I think they look fantastic. So, well done to those people who have manufactured those, well done indeed...

BUT I think that I have made a startling discovery. Where are catbelts? I'm being serious. I don't think they exist. Feel free to applaud, as I believe I have spotted a unique niche in the market. I'm certain it will make me mega money. I will try and think of a slogan!

PS: I am debating as to whether I should post the great picture I found of a dog seat-belted. However I am aware that I have a picture of a dog below. I don't want this to seem like a dog blog.

Fight! Mark Vs Dissertation

BBC Press Conference with Mark Gill, and all the build-up to next weeks big fight. *Date TBA*

"First of all, I would like to quash all those rumours that have been flying around. I did not start the fight. Dissertation is entirely to blame. He basically came from nowhere, began stalking me and repeatedly invaded my leisure time. So when I got a call asking if I wanted to take this into the ring, I had no hesitation.

Next week I will be in that ring and I will take on dissertation. Yes, some people have called it the fight of the century. I call it the fight of eternity. It's not to be missed. I will tear dissertation to pieces. Seriously, be there or be square."

Well that's my life sorted then!

What a relief!

I now know for certain what I am destined to do after university! I have it from a most reliable source that I could be an artist despite the fact that I am terrible at painting, drawing, and anything creative of that sort! But, I have also been told that I could be well suited to nursing! I suppose it's somehow irrelevant that my degree is in English and Journalism...other suggestions were that I could be a vet or a paralegal...

I'm really not sure as to whether I can trust my confidant who goes by the name of quiz.ivillage.co.uk ...yes an online quiz. It does state that such descriptions are 'generalisations.' But what if the quiz is right? What if it is the true, divine holder of knowledge and wisdom? Am I wasting my time in a humanities degree? Are dogs waiting for my caring touch? Are art gallery walls reserved for my stroke of genius?...probably not.

I like the way the quiz states what I am as if it is pure, unquestionable fact: 'You like working and being alone. You like to avoid attention at all costs. You trust your gut instincts. You tend to use a lot of metaphors . You are the world's saviour...'

Well, it seems like my noble quest continues...a word of advice: don't trust online quizzes!

*Insert witty headline*

Smello!

Ah, an evening in which for once, I am not swimming (or rather drowning) in University work. I am currently sitting in my rather quiet apartment with a glass of red in hand, as I tap away at my first ever blog! How exciting!

The truth is, I have no idea how this works...I have read other blogs and they seem to simply talk and talk and talk...and talk. Surely it's not quite as simple as that...hmm...

Well, I thought this might be an interesting experience, as I am (fingers crossed!) hopefully going to have more of a life soon! *Shrieks with delight*
I am to graduate (again, fingers crossed!) this summer and I shall be making that great leap into the unknown...

Will I jump into employment? Shall I travel? Or shall I simply stay at home and watch Trisha? Hopefully not the latter. Either way, it's an exciting time, and you as the reader should feel honoured to be on this journey with me!

I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship...

Awaaaaaaaaaaaaay!